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We’ve moved to www.blendedfamilysoapopera.com. Find this post and a host of new ones at www.blendedfamilysoapopera.com.

As I have said in the past, when Kela asked me to be a contributor on this blog, I promised nothing but honesty.  Over the past several days, since hearing the news of the death of our blended family friend Morocco’s husband, I have been doing a lot of soul searching just as I am sure many of you are.  Thinking about the choices I make and how they affect or have the possibility of affecting my blended family, I have even been doing some serious thinking about my own husband and how just the little things I may or may not do can affect him.

Over the years I’ve come to realize that we have to live with our choices and if we are “smart” or “seasoned” enough (which I am not always) to learn from them, then we are way ahead of the game.  As I have stated, I too, have lost a husband in the past — the father of my 3 sons.  I made mistakes in that relationship that I’ve regretted every day since the day he died.  My husband’s death was the hardest thing I have ever had to trudge my way through, and the pain is something that I can sit here and honestly tell you readers that I can think about and still feel the exact pain in my heart that I felt on day one of that journey.  But, the question I have been asking myself today is — Have I completely and totally learned from that experience?  Do I always treat my husband the way he deserves to be treated?  I have asked myself a lot of those questions over the past several days.  I don’t have to relate this experience to just my life partner, but to my whole blended family.  Do I always make the right choices in how I am dealing with my blended family?  If I wake up tomorrow and God forbid there be something dire in the cards for one of us, have I done all I can within myself to show my appreciation and love or did I just take them for granted?  Did I do the best I can to make that irritation or attitude I may have felt with my husband’s ex-wife after they’ve had an argument better?  Have I always made my step-daughter feel equal?  I can positively say that I believe that I am on the right track, but I know that I still make mistakes that I don’t need to be making after everything that I have learned in my life.

This is one of the reasons that I try so hard to be an intermediary between my husband and his ex-wife when they have disagreements or problems.  In the back of my mind I am always thinking — what if — what if something were to happen to one of them and they said those harsh things — -I have been there.  I have walked that path and it’s not an easy one so I try to get my husband to see things through a mother’s eyes so that he might have a better insight to how his ex-wife may feel and when talking with her, I try to do the same.  I have made some of those same choices that she may be getting ready to make and living them as well.  If we make a conscientious effort,  we can choose to learn from our pasts in order for our blended families to be strong, thrive and stay together.

During the past several days, I have been also been thinking about Morocco’s husband’s ex-wife in prison.  Will the death of her ex-husband and children’s father possibly make her turn over a new leaf?  Will she learn from her choices or will she continue to live them?  Will she realize her mistakes and CHOOSE to make better choices in the future? -I will pray that she will.

We all know that nothing in life is guaranteed.  Nothing.  Nothing works without hard work and appreciation.  Nothing.  No relationship, no job, no blended family.

Tonight, I think, I will hug my husband and my children a little tighter and a little longer.

God Bless,

Diane

We’ve moved to

www.blendedfamilysoapopera.com. Find this post and a host of new ones at www.blendedfamilysoapopera.com.

 

 

As I sat down to write this post all I could think of was 3 things: 1) My heart completely aches for fellow blogger and second mom, Morocco. 2) Tomorrow is never promised. 3) Most importantly, what else can I do to help blended families peacefully coexist by respecting each others’ roles? Life truly is too short to waste time battling over the insignificant. Time is much better spent by loving your spouse and children, cooperating with your ex-spouse in order to co-parent effectively and overall, creating a family unit that your children can not only thrive in, but be proud of as well.

A few days ago I posted an entry just to notify you [readers] that I hadn’t fallen off of the face of the earth. I wanted to assure you that I am doing everything that I can to be a better advocate for our type of family, and the children that exist within it. Before logging off I decided to do my routine blog favorites (I have them listed on the left) check. The first one I checked was Full Moon, and as soon as the page popped up my mouth hit the floor and my heart immediately followed. It read, “Say a prayer for Morocco and her family. Morocco lost her husband last night…”

“WHAT,” I screamed! I couldn’t believe what I was reading. So many thoughts ran threw my head. I wish I could help her was my immediate thought. Just through this blogsphere, I feel like I’ve grown to know her and her family. I’ve appreciated her insight. I’ve admired her patience and strength that she displays when dealing with the ex-wife in her life. I’ve hoped that her situation would get better, and that she and her husband would finally begin to live in peace.  I can relate to her. As such, I am deeply and genuinely sorry for her loss.

My next thought was my husband. I ran to give him a hug and expressed how much I truly love him and my family. My final thought…my husband’s ex-wife and my ex’s new wife! I thought about how they would feel if anything like this ever happened in our family. I thought about how much we would still need each other! My stepson would still need me to remain connected to his father; to help keep his memory alive. We’ve been a family since he was 4. He has spent summers with us; gone on vacation with us and has created holiday memories with us. It would be traumatic to just act like this part of his world doesn’t exist if we ever lost my husband. The same holds true for my ex, if we were ever to lose him. I would need his wife to keep his memory alive for my son. I wouldn’t want to pretend like his second mom and little brother never existed and would be absolutely devastated if they wanted no part of him if his father were to pass on. All of these thoughts, as incoherent as they may seem, really did drive home a central point; the blended is truly a family that is made up of not only our immediate family units, but the extended portion as well. Ex-spouses, new spouses, children (both bio and step), grandparents, step-grandparents…are ALL apart of our unique family. It is a family with a synergistic foundation; a bunch of parts that can function alone and those parts’ respective functions are very important, but it works a lot better when all of those parts work together. Think of it in terms of our bodies. The heart does its’ job; the lungs do theirs; the liver has an important function and so on. But, the heart never tries to eliminate waste from your body, like the liver. Yet, the liver can not function without the heart. All the organs must work together in order to give you life. If one organ fails, you die, unless you get a new one. But, it’s pretty hard to find a replacement. Our children are our bodies and we [parents] are their organs. We have to all respect each others’ roles, never trivializing each others’ important functions and work together to give our children life! We need each other more than we think, and it’s crucial that we realize that.

BFSO readers, this is your wake up call! What will you do with your time?  Will you spend it arguing with the ex in your life; be it your ex-spouse or your husband’s new wife? Will you spend it arguing with your current spouse about his or her ex-spouse? Will you spend it arguing over things that really don’t matter? Or, will you  direct your energy towards making it better? It will not only improve the quality of life for your children, but it will improve your quality of life as well.

And so, here’s the BFSO Call to Action: I want all of my blended family friends to spend at least one day, November 21, 2008, being positive about whoever you’re in conflict with within your blended family unit. Think of at least one positive thing to say or write about them, and either send it or say it to them or just send it to me, if you can’t make that step yet. You can email it to kela_price@yahoo.com or leave it in the comments section. This will do two things; it will force you to view your situation in a more positive light and it will hopefully throw up that truce flag between you and the person you’re in conflict with. Remember, tomorrow is not promised, and it’s up to you to determine whether or not you’ll live in turmoil or peace. What will you do with your time???

BFSO would like to extend our deepest sympathy to Morocco and her family during their time of need. Morocco, please know that you are in our prayers. We pray for your strength. We pray for your peace and we KNOW that God will carry you through.

Peace and Blessings,

Kela Price and the Blended Family Soap Opera Family

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