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About BFSO
Blended Family Soap Opera was created in hopes of helping other blended families adjust to this new, but very common type of family. We firmly believe that dialogue, both positive and negative, promotes change. And, it is our sincere desire that this blog prompts other blended families to begin discussing their issues in order to work towards resolution.
Although none of the issues presented in this blog are sugar-coated in any way, we are not bashing ex-wives or deadbeat dads! We understand that certain blended family issues are never black and white, and hope that you understand that our posts will often be a reflection of our own experiences.
And so, we hope you will enjoy our articles, posts and personal experiences. We will also be offering general advice from attorneys, mediators, counselors and other blended family members with years of experience.
BFSO Belief
We believe that all children DESERVE BOTH parents, and an environment where children are encouraged to love and be loved by ALL parents!
About Kela Price
I have been an ex and a current wife (for almost 8 years) who has attended law school and experienced my own blended family issues. I love my husband, but being a second wife and a step-mom is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. We started out on shaky ground, but now we’ve formed a union that cannot be broken by ex-wives and ex-lives.
My experience, research and thousands of conversations with other blended family members totally challenges the traditional advice that you may have heard regarding the blended family. My advice is based on real life experience and has helped many families begin to sort through, figure out and eventually achieve peace within their own blended family units. I firmly believe that dialogue promotes change, so let’s talk about it.
About Julie Rutland
I am also an ex wife and a current wife along with being a mother to three beautiful girls! I was married at 21 and divorced by 22, with my first marriage. After that, I was a single mother for about 7 years, but met my current (and final!) husband when my oldest daughter was 18 months old. I have been where most women these days have been.
My best friend is my daughter’s step-mother and, yes, that means my ex-husband’s wife. We raise our kids to know that just because parents get divorced doesn’t mean we all can’t be involved and do what is best for them. What could be better than four parents? I hope to be a “bright spot” for the new blended family. I don’t pretend to have all of the answers because I learn something new about myself, my girls, my husband, and my family each day. Believe me, there is never a dull moment with all of us!
About Diane Greene
I am a mother of 3 boys, a wife and a step-mother who shares more than a friendship, but a sisterhood relationship with my husband’s ex-wife. I have been a legal secretary for 16 years and am a soccer mom who is always on the go! My goal on this blog is to help as many women and families as I can to obtain the kind of rewarding relationship I share with my husband’s ex wife. Through our experience, I believe we can get all of you readers who have open hearts and open minds to cut out all of the unnecessary drama and stress out of your lives. Be blessed!
blendingin
familyblend
motherof3girls
7 comments
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July 27, 2008 at 9:26 pm
achieveology
You are extremely insightful on this issue. I am part of a blended as well and I have been able to gather strength and hope from your blogs.
Trizah, Achieveologist
September 14, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Franklin
I am trying to identify an authoritative, well-written book(s) or article(s) on new family structures (blended families “and beyond”), especially information that is focused on raising children *and* advocating for children. I am looking for the most current information, written by the leading expert(s) in the field. Can you help guide me in the right direction? Thanks, FJC
September 15, 2008 at 2:20 pm
blendingin
Hi Franklin!
Yes, I can recommend a few books or articles on new family structures in general, but ones that specifically focus on advocating for children may be a bit difficult. All involved parents being on the same page is the best way to advocate for children that exist within the blended family! If you are referring to advocating from a legal standpoint, then there is some reading material that is available on that topic. There is also some material on raising your blended family children; from how to tell them about the new baby to blended children discipline. If you provide me with your email address, I’ll be happy to forward you my recommendations.
December 24, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Tia
To all if the women on here who have a gret relationship with the first wife you are so blessed. I am a step mother and we have a blended family. I will admit that this is one of the hardest jobs I ever had. I love my husband so much but sometimes I feel as though this is too much! My husband’s ex-wife doesn’t cooperate at all. She goes out of her way to make things difficult. It puts a strain on our marriage. My husband and I have both tried to include her in the co-parenting of his children. She refuses to work as a team. She thrives off keeping up drama. I will say this I was never prepared for this no matter how much I thought I was. My husband’s best friend and his wife are the total opposite. His children’s mother and his current wife all get a long very well. I feel that things work out better if everyone is on the same page.
December 24, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Tia
I apologize for the words I mispelled! I didn’t see where I could go back in and edit my post. I guess I better proof read before I hit submit!
December 27, 2008 at 1:51 am
familyblend
Tia,
Thank you for your comments. I am so happy that as a stepmother and a second wife that I am blessed to have a great relationship with my husband’s ex. It isn’t always perfect and she will attest to that as well, but anything negative usually is between my husband and his ex but we (her current husband and I) do my best to help them see the other’s point of view when we can. She is actually my best friend. We are on the exact same page when it comes to my step-daughter. We are actually a lot alike. We (all four parents) are advocates of our daughter having the most productive and best environment for our child and allowing her life to be as stress-free as possible. By setting a good example as parents and step-parents, we are teaching her that just because divorce has been a part of her life — it’s not her whole life. It doesn’t have to consume her family and cause pain. She now has 2 more parents that love the heck out of her too!
Keep up the good work and just continue to pray that your husband’s ex has a change of heart. It all begins with communication. Have you, personally, ever tried to talk to her about the issue?
Remember, communication is the key. Try to open the door, if she closes it, then at least in your heart, you know you tried.
Diane
December 27, 2008 at 4:46 am
blendingin
Tia,
I want to thank you for your comments, and assure you that they are always so greatly appreciated. On this blog, we encourage both positive and negative, but thoughtful comments. It is never our intention to tear each other down, but to attempt to understand each others’ points of view through open, honest dialogue.
As I’ve stated over and over through this blog, one side of my blended family functions pretty well. My ex, his wife, my husband and I do everything we can to understand each others’ positions and advocate for our son. It certainly isn’t always perfect, but through the pain that we have experienced understanding emerged. Although my ex’s wife and I aren’t best friends we certainly are friends, and more importantly, I love the role she plays in my son’s life. The other side of my blended family, however, is a complete disaster! My husband, his ex, her husband and I are definitely not on the same page. I have tried NUMEROUS times to reach out to her, understand her point of view and to literally be her friend, but to no avail. With that said, my insight on BFSO is to try to get readers to understand that sometimes that picture perfect blended family that we all wish we had (like Diane’s) just isn’t possible. As such, you have to find a way (after trying everything you can to mend fences) to accept your reality without allowing it to tear your immediate family completely apart. The wrong thing to do is spend your marriage and most of your time trying to get the ex to like or accept you. What’s most important is the union between you and your spouse. Having that picture perfect blended family is secondary and should NEVER interfere with your marriage! I had to learn that the hard way as my effort to try and get the ex to come around almost tore my marriage apart. Now that my husband and I have shifted gears, we are back on the same page and stronger than ever.
So, browse around our blog and hopefully you’ll find some information that will help you or that you simply can relate to. The readers offer excellent insight and comments!
Kela