As I have said in the past, when Kela asked me to be a contributor on this blog, I promised nothing but honesty. Over the past several days, since hearing the news of the death of our blended family friend Morocco’s husband, I have been doing a lot of soul searching just as I am sure many of you are. Thinking about the choices I make and how they affect or have the possibility of affecting my blended family, I have even been doing some serious thinking about my own husband and how just the little things I may or may not do can affect him.
Over the years I’ve come to realize that we have to live with our choices and if we are “smart” or “seasoned” enough (which I am not always) to learn from them, then we are way ahead of the game. As I have stated, I too, have lost a husband in the past – the father of my 3 sons. I made mistakes in that relationship that I’ve regretted every day since the day he died. My husband’s death was the hardest thing I have ever had to trudge my way through, and the pain is something that I can sit here and honestly tell you readers that I can think about and still feel the exact pain in my heart that I felt on day one of that journey. But, the question I have been asking myself today is — Have I completely and totally learned from that experience? Do I always treat my husband the way he deserves to be treated? I have asked myself a lot of those questions over the past several days. I don’t have to relate this experience to just my life partner, but to my whole blended family. Do I always make the right choices in how I am dealing with my blended family? If I wake up tomorrow and God forbid there be something dire in the cards for one of us, have I done all I can within myself to show my appreciation and love or did I just take them for granted? Did I do the best I can to make that irritation or attitude I may have felt with my husband’s ex-wife after they’ve had an argument better? Have I always made my step-daughter feel equal? I can positively say that I believe that I am on the right track, but I know that I still make mistakes that I don’t need to be making after everything that I have learned in my life.
This is one of the reasons that I try so hard to be an intermediary between my husband and his ex-wife when they have disagreements or problems. In the back of my mind I am always thinking — what if — what if something were to happen to one of them and they said those harsh things — -I have been there. I have walked that path and it’s not an easy one so I try to get my husband to see things through a mother’s eyes so that he might have a better insight to how his ex-wife may feel and when talking with her, I try to do the same. I have made some of those same choices that she may be getting ready to make and living them as well. If we make a conscientious effort, we can choose to learn from our pasts in order for our blended families to be strong, thrive and stay together.
During the past several days, I have been also been thinking about Morocco’s husband’s ex-wife in prison. Will the death of her ex-husband and children’s father possibly make her turn over a new leaf? Will she learn from her choices or will she continue to live them? Will she realize her mistakes and CHOOSE to make better choices in the future? -I will pray that she will.
We all know that nothing in life is guaranteed. Nothing. Nothing works without hard work and appreciation. Nothing. No relationship, no job, no blended family.
Tonight, I think, I will hug my husband and my children a little tighter and a little longer.